Monday, September 21, 2015

Wedding Planner

I'm hiring a wedding planner.

Hold your horses before jumping into any conclusions: I am not getting married - everything's still good in singlehood -  everyone else around me is. And they all seem to be doing it at the same time! 

That's why I'm on the lookout for a wedding planner. Not your regular one though. To pull me through this wedding season my wedding planner needs to also be a:

1. Stylist
Looking for a dress opens an overwhelming world of infinite options of colours, shapes, lengths...At least the bride knows she'll be wearing white! 

2. Financial advisor
Outfit for the day (dress, jewellery, handbag, shoes, etc.) 
+ gift for the newlyweds 
+ flights and accommodation when needed 
+ hen-do expenses
+ hairdresser 
x by number of weddings 
= I'll let you do the math!

3. Chauffeur
Wedding day: home > ceremony. Ceremony > wedding reception. Wedding reception > home. 
Prior to wedding day: frantic tours around the city in desperate search of a decent dress.

4. Prompter
Weddings bring people together who haven't been so in years. And, although surprisingly good with faces, I'm a complete disaster at remembering names. Having, like political and royalty members do, someone whispering in my ear the name, relationship to the bride/groom and major life events of the person approaching would prevent me from repeating embarrassing experiences.

5. Nutritionist
Traditional Spanish weddings offer a fine selection of small bites prior to a (at least) 4 course dinner. Add the glasses of wine that waiters eagerly keep refilling and the open bar and you easily get yourself into a nutrition bombshell that only a few weeks' detox plan will help your digestive system recover from.

6. My +1
For 2 main reasons:
a) to mitigate seating planning headaches for the bride and groom (tables are normally set for even number of people)
b) to avoid answering for the nth time whether I am with someone at the moment, which normally follows with a pity faced "who knows? you might meet someone today".