Happy Hallothanksmas!

Wait, I'm confused, is Christmas still on for 25th December? 

Excuse me if the answer to my question is obvious. Last time I checked we were half way through November, making it 38 more sleeps (38!) until then - ok, give or take a few hours depending on what part of the globe you live in. 

Why then have we gone from pumpkins and ghosts only a few days ago, straight into snowmen and and Christmas trees?! No 'in-between' whatsoever to enjoy a consumerism-free November. 

I want in-betweens, I like in-betweens! In-betweens keep me sane. In-betweens act as breathers to help me recover. 

But nope! Instead I have shops with fake snow on its windows and/or Christmas carols playing on the background. Even supermarkets are stocked up with toys, chocolates and 'turrón'. The most astonishing thing is that we don't find this astonishing at all! We happily buy the Christmas tree with all its decorations, we start loading on gold gift wrap, we start planning Christmas dinners and booking friends and family.

How did we allow this to become the new normal? 

Next thing I know I'll start celebrating my next birthday the day after I turn a year older. 

There is a clear conflict between my journey towards inner peace with all my meditation, yoga and whatnot and a world that conspires against my mental sanity. Happiness is found in living in the moment they say, well stop stressing me about future events then!

Wedding Planner

I'm hiring a wedding planner.

Hold your horses before jumping into any conclusions: I am not getting married - everything's still good in singlehood -  everyone else around me is. And they all seem to be doing it at the same time! 

That's why I'm on the lookout for a wedding planner. Not your regular one though. To pull me through this wedding season my wedding planner needs to also be a:

1. Stylist

Looking for a dress opens an overwhelming world of infinite options of colours, shapes, lengths...At least the bride knows she'll be wearing white! 

2. Financial advisor

Outfit for the day (dress, jewellery, handbag, shoes, etc.) 

+ gift for the newlyweds 

+ flights and accommodation when needed 

+ hen-do expenses

+ hairdresser 

x by number of weddings 

= I'll let you do the math!

3. Chauffeur

Wedding day: home > ceremony. Ceremony > wedding reception. Wedding reception > home. 

Prior to wedding day: frantic tours around the city in desperate search of a decent dress.

4. Prompter

Weddings bring people together who haven't been so in years. And, although surprisingly good with faces, I'm a complete disaster at remembering names. Having, like political and royalty members do, someone whispering in my ear the name, relationship to the bride/groom and major life events of the person approaching would prevent me from repeating embarrassing experiences.

5. Nutritionist

Traditional Spanish weddings offer a fine selection of small bites prior to a (at least) 4 course dinner. Add the glasses of wine that waiters eagerly keep refilling and the open bar and you easily get yourself into a nutrition bombshell that only a few weeks' detox plan will help your digestive system recover from.

6. My +1

For 2 main reasons:

a) to mitigate seating planning headaches for the bride and groom (tables are normally set for even number of people)

b) to avoid answering for the nth time whether I am with someone at the moment, which normally follows with a pity faced "who knows? you might meet someone today".

Everything in Excess

Reality check: Christmas is over, you can resume your normal live.

If you celebrate Christmas you might be like: "What? normal life? but Christmas is part of my life!". 

Well..I see it more as the movie track of your year: everything condensed in a short period of time.

Family: you might not see them in months and then suddenly you're meeting relatives day after day. And the ones you don't meet, you have to call. People you haven't spoke to since last year. It gets to a point that you run of things to talk about! I'm sure I've addressed my cousins by names other than their own in repeated occasions.

Food: you eat normally for over 350 days a year and then inexplicably consume your weight in food in one sitting. Just like that, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Gifts: isn't it a great gesture to have a whole city/country/continent buying things at the same time? The jammed shopping centres, the queues, the traffic jams... And giving presents is the high of my Christmas, but wouldn't it be nicer to give and receive presents evenly throughout the year instead of supporting extreme consumerism in a day?

People in general: there's excess of people everywhere during Christmas. The rest of the year everyone does their own thing, but Christmas is the only time when we all seem to be doing the same things at the same time. I've mentioned about the shopping, but there's so much more... The dining (restaurants are full and service is bad), the strolling (streets and parked packed), the free timing (queues in cinemas)...

Please, don't take this attitude of excess into January by signing up to the gym or going crazy with the sales. Just try to spend more time with your close family and true friends, show them your smile and try to enjoy a moderately happy live.

Spellbound Selves

You know that moment, at a party or in a club, when everyone around you is utterly drunk and you are as sober as a judge? When you witness people embarrassing themselves to a point where you really hope they won't remember when their intoxication drops? People who you thought you knew pretty well impersonating someone else. It's like looking at long-time friends for the very first time.

It seems that the exact same thing happens when everyone around you is in a relationship and you are single.

This thought came into my mind during these festive days, when I spend an unusual amount of time with people I otherwise rarely see (note to self: this is material for a blogpost). I'm sure that they have experienced the change gradually, but for me, it comes as a shock. The guy who had us all heartbroken by playing 'hard to get', has turned into a puppet under the orders of the lady holding the strings. He keeps running from one place to another like a loyal puppy following her orders. He's not alone. The once professed and active feminist is now responding to nicknames ranging from "Princess" to "Babe" and using terms of the kind of "my Little Muffin". Personal interests seem to vanish to make room for joint activities: the great cook of the group now only bakes cupcakes. Or, in some cases, one of them absorbs the lifestyle of the other: the barbecue organiser now follows a strict vegetarian diet. 

When drunk, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of sobriety, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

When in a relationship, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of singlehood, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

Happy Valentine's Day!

If you think that Valentine's Day is expensive, try being single!

Single people are not expected to the to buy roses or book dinners in overcrowded restaurants, true, but we do pay a price for it. A very expensive one.

Throughout the year we're dealing with:
- asking for 'a table for one' and getting the waiter's pity look
- paying more for a single rooms in hotels than for double one
- trying to find suitable portioned food so that we don't need to throw half of it into the bin
- ...

When Valentine's approaches it only gets worse... I have recently been exposed to the following experiences that will hopefully make you think twice before ranting about the expense of Valentine's Day for the happily coupled:

· constant reminder of my singledom: in press, media, conversations, etc. with imagery of things and places I could do or be with my partner. As if I didn't know... 

· booked-out hotels in London

· and when one found, overly priced (higher than what you'll consider 'normal London rates')

· themed... I was going to write 'shops', then 'streets'; but thinking about it, the word I'm looking for is actually 'city'. Whole of it. Filled with heart-shaped items. From decorations to food to Everything! (capital letter is intentional)

The calendar doesn't allow us to jump from Feb 13th to 15th, so let's all (both single and not) make the most of Valentine's Day. Love the one you're with and spoil them. Or love yourself and do something nice.

Happy Valentine's Day!