Happy Hallothanksmas!

Wait, I'm confused, is Christmas still on for 25th December? 

Excuse me if the answer to my question is obvious. Last time I checked we were half way through November, making it 38 more sleeps (38!) until then - ok, give or take a few hours depending on what part of the globe you live in. 

Why then have we gone from pumpkins and ghosts only a few days ago, straight into snowmen and and Christmas trees?! No 'in-between' whatsoever to enjoy a consumerism-free November. 

I want in-betweens, I like in-betweens! In-betweens keep me sane. In-betweens act as breathers to help me recover. 

But nope! Instead I have shops with fake snow on its windows and/or Christmas carols playing on the background. Even supermarkets are stocked up with toys, chocolates and 'turrón'. The most astonishing thing is that we don't find this astonishing at all! We happily buy the Christmas tree with all its decorations, we start loading on gold gift wrap, we start planning Christmas dinners and booking friends and family.

How did we allow this to become the new normal? 

Next thing I know I'll start celebrating my next birthday the day after I turn a year older. 

There is a clear conflict between my journey towards inner peace with all my meditation, yoga and whatnot and a world that conspires against my mental sanity. Happiness is found in living in the moment they say, well stop stressing me about future events then!

Wedding Planner

I'm hiring a wedding planner.

Hold your horses before jumping into any conclusions: I am not getting married - everything's still good in singlehood -  everyone else around me is. And they all seem to be doing it at the same time! 

That's why I'm on the lookout for a wedding planner. Not your regular one though. To pull me through this wedding season my wedding planner needs to also be a:

1. Stylist

Looking for a dress opens an overwhelming world of infinite options of colours, shapes, lengths...At least the bride knows she'll be wearing white! 

2. Financial advisor

Outfit for the day (dress, jewellery, handbag, shoes, etc.) 

+ gift for the newlyweds 

+ flights and accommodation when needed 

+ hen-do expenses

+ hairdresser 

x by number of weddings 

= I'll let you do the math!

3. Chauffeur

Wedding day: home > ceremony. Ceremony > wedding reception. Wedding reception > home. 

Prior to wedding day: frantic tours around the city in desperate search of a decent dress.

4. Prompter

Weddings bring people together who haven't been so in years. And, although surprisingly good with faces, I'm a complete disaster at remembering names. Having, like political and royalty members do, someone whispering in my ear the name, relationship to the bride/groom and major life events of the person approaching would prevent me from repeating embarrassing experiences.

5. Nutritionist

Traditional Spanish weddings offer a fine selection of small bites prior to a (at least) 4 course dinner. Add the glasses of wine that waiters eagerly keep refilling and the open bar and you easily get yourself into a nutrition bombshell that only a few weeks' detox plan will help your digestive system recover from.

6. My +1

For 2 main reasons:

a) to mitigate seating planning headaches for the bride and groom (tables are normally set for even number of people)

b) to avoid answering for the nth time whether I am with someone at the moment, which normally follows with a pity faced "who knows? you might meet someone today".

Everything in Excess

Reality check: Christmas is over, you can resume your normal live.

If you celebrate Christmas you might be like: "What? normal life? but Christmas is part of my life!". 

Well..I see it more as the movie track of your year: everything condensed in a short period of time.

Family: you might not see them in months and then suddenly you're meeting relatives day after day. And the ones you don't meet, you have to call. People you haven't spoke to since last year. It gets to a point that you run of things to talk about! I'm sure I've addressed my cousins by names other than their own in repeated occasions.

Food: you eat normally for over 350 days a year and then inexplicably consume your weight in food in one sitting. Just like that, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Gifts: isn't it a great gesture to have a whole city/country/continent buying things at the same time? The jammed shopping centres, the queues, the traffic jams... And giving presents is the high of my Christmas, but wouldn't it be nicer to give and receive presents evenly throughout the year instead of supporting extreme consumerism in a day?

People in general: there's excess of people everywhere during Christmas. The rest of the year everyone does their own thing, but Christmas is the only time when we all seem to be doing the same things at the same time. I've mentioned about the shopping, but there's so much more... The dining (restaurants are full and service is bad), the strolling (streets and parked packed), the free timing (queues in cinemas)...

Please, don't take this attitude of excess into January by signing up to the gym or going crazy with the sales. Just try to spend more time with your close family and true friends, show them your smile and try to enjoy a moderately happy live.

Halloween's Coming

Tomorrow is Halloween, or as the song would say "Halloween's coming, Halloween's coming..."

Fear not, unlike the song, however, skeletons won't be after you, but rather sexy nurses, hot policewomen, sensual pirates, overly exaggerated breasted men (why do men always like to dress up as women?) and so on. Just make a search for 'Halloween costumes' on the web, the results are priceless. Actually, scratch that: do fear!

I do get the children's side to dressing up and getting sweets. I mean, it can't get better than being allowed to a sugar-high at the age of 6. And they do look cute in their pumpkin costumes and so on. What worries me is the adult (and increasing) part of this day.

If it were up to me, Halloween should be renamed to "dressing for who you'd like to be". It's basically the day were you are allowed to remain undisturbed with your appearance and what it might reveal, which, judging from the cleavage in some of those costumes, it is sometimes more that what others might want to see... It's not even any more about dressing up as zombies and ghosts (which I already find quite distasteful and senseless)!

The development, or rather, the deterioration of Halloween truly amazes me. As a Spaniard, I have been raised to believe that this is the day were we should remember and pay our respects to the loved ones who have sadly left. It is a tribute to those who were once physically close and now live solely in our memories. Families congregate in cemeteries to put fresh flowers on tombs, say a little prayer and shade a little tear or two. If you know how that might relate to a provocative pizza slice (how can those 3 words be together?), please let me know.

Happy Halloween people! (or whatever)