Wedding Planner

I'm hiring a wedding planner.

Hold your horses before jumping into any conclusions: I am not getting married - everything's still good in singlehood -  everyone else around me is. And they all seem to be doing it at the same time! 

That's why I'm on the lookout for a wedding planner. Not your regular one though. To pull me through this wedding season my wedding planner needs to also be a:

1. Stylist

Looking for a dress opens an overwhelming world of infinite options of colours, shapes, lengths...At least the bride knows she'll be wearing white! 

2. Financial advisor

Outfit for the day (dress, jewellery, handbag, shoes, etc.) 

+ gift for the newlyweds 

+ flights and accommodation when needed 

+ hen-do expenses

+ hairdresser 

x by number of weddings 

= I'll let you do the math!

3. Chauffeur

Wedding day: home > ceremony. Ceremony > wedding reception. Wedding reception > home. 

Prior to wedding day: frantic tours around the city in desperate search of a decent dress.

4. Prompter

Weddings bring people together who haven't been so in years. And, although surprisingly good with faces, I'm a complete disaster at remembering names. Having, like political and royalty members do, someone whispering in my ear the name, relationship to the bride/groom and major life events of the person approaching would prevent me from repeating embarrassing experiences.

5. Nutritionist

Traditional Spanish weddings offer a fine selection of small bites prior to a (at least) 4 course dinner. Add the glasses of wine that waiters eagerly keep refilling and the open bar and you easily get yourself into a nutrition bombshell that only a few weeks' detox plan will help your digestive system recover from.

6. My +1

For 2 main reasons:

a) to mitigate seating planning headaches for the bride and groom (tables are normally set for even number of people)

b) to avoid answering for the nth time whether I am with someone at the moment, which normally follows with a pity faced "who knows? you might meet someone today".

The Proud Misfit

I am

• ... a woman
• ... self-sufficient
• ... in my thirties
• ... single
• ... left-handed (but that's a story for another day)

Long story short, I am a MISFIT.

Living in a city where I am the living exception to the rule. This fact grants me the privileged position of being the target of awkward (and quite frankly, in many cases rude) comments, questions and moments all around the same theme: 

"What am I doing with my life??"

And although at the beginning all these comments made me want to climb under my duvet and cry myself blind; wisdom (actually, no, not wisdom, but rather, not giving a damn - for the use of a better word) has made me realise that not being like others is what gives me an identity.

I have accepted that I am where I have to be and made my mission to make others accept this too. Listen up:

• the only babies/toddlers I like are the ones I share some part of DNA with. And even those, I am happy to give back after a while
• no, I'm not worried about finding someone - last time I checked I hadn't lost anything
• the time when I felt the loneliest is when I had (the wrong kind of) someone by my side

• stop asking me whether I have a partner! Not having one does not make me a defective person and it certainly does not define me
• defining me by my relationship status says more about you than it does about me
• yes, I might be picky, but shouldn't you be with the person you decide to share your life with?
• I'm not sure if destiny has something good waiting for me, what I do know is that the best way to predict the future is to create it. I wouldn't be where I am if I had left things to chance instead of working by butt off!
• in the past 10 years or so I've lived in 5 different cities, met people for more countries that I know existed and seen places I had only dreamed of visiting. No, I don't feel like I'm throwing my life away
• I've found a passion and I'm pursuing a dream. I'm not trying to get you to follow my dream, so quit trying to single me out for not wanting to follow yours.

This is my life and I am working on being happy to be living it.

Spellbound Selves

You know that moment, at a party or in a club, when everyone around you is utterly drunk and you are as sober as a judge? When you witness people embarrassing themselves to a point where you really hope they won't remember when their intoxication drops? People who you thought you knew pretty well impersonating someone else. It's like looking at long-time friends for the very first time.

It seems that the exact same thing happens when everyone around you is in a relationship and you are single.

This thought came into my mind during these festive days, when I spend an unusual amount of time with people I otherwise rarely see (note to self: this is material for a blogpost). I'm sure that they have experienced the change gradually, but for me, it comes as a shock. The guy who had us all heartbroken by playing 'hard to get', has turned into a puppet under the orders of the lady holding the strings. He keeps running from one place to another like a loyal puppy following her orders. He's not alone. The once professed and active feminist is now responding to nicknames ranging from "Princess" to "Babe" and using terms of the kind of "my Little Muffin". Personal interests seem to vanish to make room for joint activities: the great cook of the group now only bakes cupcakes. Or, in some cases, one of them absorbs the lifestyle of the other: the barbecue organiser now follows a strict vegetarian diet. 

When drunk, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of sobriety, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

When in a relationship, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of singlehood, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

Singlehood Discrimination

Dear Single Friends,

When our relationship status triggers the envy of those around us, stay cool; play along. Live up to their idealised image of our freedom. Rejoice in not having to explain your whereabouts; in doing whatever you want whenever you want. Make sure to tell them about that trip you're planning on taking: narrate every detail and, above all, don't forget to omit the fact that you might never get to go because you have no one to embark in the adventure with. 

Because despite our stereotyped ideal life, the truth is that this world is not meant for singles. And I'm not only talking about St. Valentine's Day, but every other day as well. So, even if by force and not by choice, build the strength required to deal with the unfairness in life:

• married couples (2 people, 2 current/saving accounts) get furniture and home decor as wedding presents. We single people (1 person, 1 poor current/savings account) have to buy everything for the house by ourselves - don't get me started on buying a house
• people get that pitiful look in their faces when your shopping basket consists of lots of bags with single items: 1 tomato, 1 apple, 1 banana, etc.
• constantly answering the question "do you have a partner?" followed by "don't worry, someone will come when the time is right" - I wasn't worried, but thanks
• 5L washing detergent = 10 euro. 1L washing detergent = 5 euro - logic behind this? Food in smaller packages is more expensive!
• 2 x 1
• milk goes sour
• getting pulled into things you don't want to do because people assume that you are single and therefore free to babysit their plants - if I don't have plants myself it's for a reason!
• being moved around in planes because you are "travelling alone"
• ...

Single friends, you'll find a number of obstacles that our 'coupled' friends will never even think about, but remember: 

you are enough

...even if the world insists in making you feel differently

Happy Valentine's Day!

If you think that Valentine's Day is expensive, try being single!

Single people are not expected to the to buy roses or book dinners in overcrowded restaurants, true, but we do pay a price for it. A very expensive one.

Throughout the year we're dealing with:
- asking for 'a table for one' and getting the waiter's pity look
- paying more for a single rooms in hotels than for double one
- trying to find suitable portioned food so that we don't need to throw half of it into the bin
- ...

When Valentine's approaches it only gets worse... I have recently been exposed to the following experiences that will hopefully make you think twice before ranting about the expense of Valentine's Day for the happily coupled:

· constant reminder of my singledom: in press, media, conversations, etc. with imagery of things and places I could do or be with my partner. As if I didn't know... 

· booked-out hotels in London

· and when one found, overly priced (higher than what you'll consider 'normal London rates')

· themed... I was going to write 'shops', then 'streets'; but thinking about it, the word I'm looking for is actually 'city'. Whole of it. Filled with heart-shaped items. From decorations to food to Everything! (capital letter is intentional)

The calendar doesn't allow us to jump from Feb 13th to 15th, so let's all (both single and not) make the most of Valentine's Day. Love the one you're with and spoil them. Or love yourself and do something nice.

Happy Valentine's Day!