Happy Hallothanksmas!

Wait, I'm confused, is Christmas still on for 25th December? 

Excuse me if the answer to my question is obvious. Last time I checked we were half way through November, making it 38 more sleeps (38!) until then - ok, give or take a few hours depending on what part of the globe you live in. 

Why then have we gone from pumpkins and ghosts only a few days ago, straight into snowmen and and Christmas trees?! No 'in-between' whatsoever to enjoy a consumerism-free November. 

I want in-betweens, I like in-betweens! In-betweens keep me sane. In-betweens act as breathers to help me recover. 

But nope! Instead I have shops with fake snow on its windows and/or Christmas carols playing on the background. Even supermarkets are stocked up with toys, chocolates and 'turrón'. The most astonishing thing is that we don't find this astonishing at all! We happily buy the Christmas tree with all its decorations, we start loading on gold gift wrap, we start planning Christmas dinners and booking friends and family.

How did we allow this to become the new normal? 

Next thing I know I'll start celebrating my next birthday the day after I turn a year older. 

There is a clear conflict between my journey towards inner peace with all my meditation, yoga and whatnot and a world that conspires against my mental sanity. Happiness is found in living in the moment they say, well stop stressing me about future events then!

Flavours in Life

I've made up my mind: lemon is my favourite yogurt flavour. 

It has been a hard decision to make: too many options, all of which challenge the very best of my taste buds. Let's be honest, lemon yogurts taste very little of lemon (don't get me started on the banana ones which I only know are banana because of the picture on the pot...)

This absurd logic got me thinking about all the disappointment that the food industry has created in the short distance between the supermarket aisle and the comfort of my sofa - or dining table if there is someone with me and I actually have to eat my meals at a table (which by the way, according to every health article published, we all should.) 

We're humans; we're logical beings; our brain is programmed to do admirable things. Why then, do we so blindly fall into false beliefs? 

"I like peach. I like yogurt. Hmm, I must like peach-flavoured yogurt. I will buy peach-flavoured yogurt"

Right? Wrong! - there is nothing less peachy than a peach-flavoured yogurt, ice-cream, lollipop, [you name it!]

The issue is more dramatic when you try the flavoured food first. I can only imagine the pleasure I would have missed if I had had prawn-cocktail crisps before ever sinking a fork into a deliciously natural prawn cocktail - mouth is literally watering.

Take note my dear friends of this little piece of advice: do not set expectations when it comes to flavoured food - you'll live happily ever after!

Old News = No News

One of the reasons why I read, almost exclusively, fiction is due to the easiness with which I get attached to characters. I cry, I get angry, I take sides and, in many cases, I finish books with a strong urge to know more about the characters' day to day lives beyond the final pages. I can't, I know, so I make peace with the fact that it's fiction, that anything can happen after I close the book. That they not always lived happily ever after.

I like that, I like fiction. I favour it over to real life events. In real life I find myself at a loss, unable follow a story from beginning to end.  Today's news is all that matters; which by default means that no one cares about what happened yesterday.

But what if we do? People of the media, don't you realise that you're playing with our feelings (and not in a good way)? Please, let me know! I do care!

Why and how did Jack The Ripper get away with all the murders?  

How's Schumacher and his family coping?

What's the deal with Woody Allen and his 'peculiar' family situation? Did he really do what he was accused of? 

What is Monica Lewinsky up to these days?

Is there a monster in Loch Ness? 

Are Michael Jackson's children ok? Will they be ever able to have a 'normal' life? 

Everyone knows about Will Smith and that poor James Avery (Uncle Phil) sadly passed away a few months back. But what about 'Geoffrey' the Butler? How is my favourite person in the the Fresh Price of Bel Air getting on? 

What's behind the Bermuda Triangle?  

Was the prostitute Hugh Grant was caught with ever able to build a better life?

What happened between Britney Spears deciding to shave her head not so long ago to her being back on stage again? Who's minding those poor kids of hers?

Did Neil Armstrong and the Apollo 11 really land on the moon in July 1969?

Please people, I need closure?

The Language in Language

So you speak English, do you? I thought I did too... up until a little over 5 years ago.

It all started the day I landed on the country which was to become since then my home. Having brought up in the British education system since my toddler days, I pretty much considered myself fluent in the language of Shakespeare. Up until I got into the taxi from the airport, told the taxi driver the address I wanted to go to, and receiving a blank stare and a idle engine in return. I gave up after the third repetition and was forced to write the address down for him to read himself. The exact same thing I would have done if I'd had landed in Taiwan.

English is not a language, it's a world of languages I have yet to explore. It's not only about differences in pronunciation, or accent, or spelling, or jargon or even slang. It's how one same word can have so distinct meanings in one supposed same language. 

If you want to avoid empty glances or awkward looks, here are some of the first words I learned (the hard way, as always) did not always mean what I meant them to mean:

· Pants: underwear for some, trousers for others. So be sure to tell that you wore (or not wore) the correct ones! 

· Rubber: what some use to delete pencil mistakes and what others use to prevent 'other type' of mistakes... 

· Biscuit: think before you order it: am I a tiny bit peckish or famished?  

· Lift: complete different interpretations of up and down

· Bird: think twice before classifying it as an animal... some refer to their girlfriends with this noun 

· Shag: very utterly extremely important that you get this one right, or "selling a shag" can get you from this to this...

Regardless of whether you speak English or any other language, the common truth is that the more you know, the more you know how little you know!

 

 

Jet Lag is the New Hangover

Severely dehydrated. Struggling for words. Head and muscle (every. single. one. of. them.) ache. Lightheaded. Weak... Hangover? No; jet lag. 

I'm just back from a business trip to the other side of the world. A trip short enough to not fully adjust, but long enough to have left part behind. I think a part of me has been lost in every time zone from here to there and back. Now I'll just need to wait for the pieces to catch up with the cardboard version of myself sitting here.

I don't know what time it is of what day. I don't even care, for that matter. I just want to go under the duvet and hide there until tomorrow. That and my Mam. Maaam!! 

Yeh, you might want the exact same thing (plus greasy junk food) if you were out partying last night. But hangover is the price you have to pay for a night out having fun! There's nothing fun about spending 15 hours between airports (plural), flights (plural) and queues (plural: check-in, security, toilets, boarding, disembarking, etc.) 

Ok, let's be fair. It wasn't that bad. I have to stay positive and look on the bright side:

• the 3 airports I was in had Wi-Fi, so I didn't even have to work on my life-work balance

• my bag reached the same destination as I did. Both ways.

• I did not missed my connection. In fact, I spent more than 3 hours waiting for a 45 min flight home

• I was able to change my middle seat for an aisle seat

• with my headphones on, the (constant and extremely loud) screams of the baby were 'differed'

• my vegetarian food was always served before the rest (it was still tasteless crap, but I still got the "I wish I was you" look from the passengers around me)

• the flight attendant gave me a second blanket, so I didn't lose any toes to a/c frost

• no threatening devices/substances were found in my hand luggage after it was embarrassingly completely emptied in front of the whole London Heathrow airport

• despite absurdly feeling a mixture of anxiety and guilt, I was able to provide the correct answer when the cops (that's how they are called there) in the security check asked my name

Oh, well, at least I'm certain that I didn't text my ex, said anything which can be then held against me or hugged others proclaiming them my best friends ever.

*Note: Any grammatical errors and nonsense in this post can be fully attributed to severe jet lag conditions. Be nice and avoid judging me solely on the content of this post. Highly appreciated.