Earth, Please Swallow Me. Now.

The whole point to this blog is to laugh at myself, so I'll tell you about one of my worse kept secrets: I am clumsy. Very, very clumsy. With things - I'm known to have butter fingers -, with words and in situations.

Diagnosis

Clumsiness. Although not too keen on the definition of the word...

Symptoms

Physical

· red (and very hot) face

· blank stare to the floor

· special sensitivity to gravity - frequent flat ground falls

· there have been cases reported of 'run fast and hide' immediately after an episode

· unbalance

Psychological

· strong wish for the earth to part and swallow oneself

· inability of thinking anything other that 'f***!!'. Repeatedly and for the whole duration of the episode and beyond when remembering it.

Effects and Consequences

· random bruises

· embarrassment

· might be linked to losing friends

Examples of Episodes

Note: these are just a few samples from a long and growing list

• The Cherry Tomato Incident: too small to cut in pieces and yet not small enough to bite with a full closed mouth = spilling the whole inside of one over my lunch partner :)
• The Stairs: too many steps, too little coordination = bruised shins from falling up (yes, up!) the stairs
• The 50/50 chance: clear "pull" and "push" signs + brain reverse processing = pushing doors that are built to be pulled and vice versa
• The Social Network: too many information + too much procrastination = mentioning something to somebody that you only know from looking (stalking) their social network page
• The Car: too many good songs + too little care = shouting your heart out to "I Will Survive" just to find the driver next to you staring in amazement
• The Multitasking: too many things + too little time = finishing up a call with a client by saying, “Love you.”
• The Name: too many people + worse memory ever = forgetting the name of someone when you're introducing them 

Too clumsy + Too many times = a lot of embarrassing situations (but good fun!)