Things I Think

There are things I think when I shouldn't think them. 

After closing the front door:

do I have the keys - without which I am locked out, since there is no one else who has a copy - except for the landlord, whom I prefer not to disturb with my 
absentmindedness

At a minimum travelling distance from home of 45 mins by car:

did I unplug the iron that could cause my whole place to burn down?

did I blow out all the aromatic candles that give my home such an amazing fragrance and  at the same time can turn it to ashes in a matter of seconds?

did I close the window through which anyone can freely enter the house?

All tucked in and with the lights out:

did I send that extremely important email that had to go out today with no exception and that I have spent hours drafting?

after paying for that last thing, did I put my credit card back in my wallet? 

I have all of these things I need to do tomorrow [list starts here - sleep stops here] 

Let's go through every stupid decision I have made in life. 

And of course, my personal favourite and the one I keep experiencing:

At least 15 minutes after the actual event:

the most perfect thing to say that would have saved you from looking like an idiot comes up to your blank mind!

Earth, Please Swallow Me. Now.

The whole point to this blog is to laugh at myself, so I'll tell you about one of my worse kept secrets: I am clumsy. Very, very clumsy. With things - I'm known to have butter fingers -, with words and in situations.

Diagnosis

Clumsiness. Although not too keen on the definition of the word...

Symptoms

Physical

· red (and very hot) face

· blank stare to the floor

· special sensitivity to gravity - frequent flat ground falls

· there have been cases reported of 'run fast and hide' immediately after an episode

· unbalance

Psychological

· strong wish for the earth to part and swallow oneself

· inability of thinking anything other that 'f***!!'. Repeatedly and for the whole duration of the episode and beyond when remembering it.

Effects and Consequences

· random bruises

· embarrassment

· might be linked to losing friends

Examples of Episodes

Note: these are just a few samples from a long and growing list

• The Cherry Tomato Incident: too small to cut in pieces and yet not small enough to bite with a full closed mouth = spilling the whole inside of one over my lunch partner :)
• The Stairs: too many steps, too little coordination = bruised shins from falling up (yes, up!) the stairs
• The 50/50 chance: clear "pull" and "push" signs + brain reverse processing = pushing doors that are built to be pulled and vice versa
• The Social Network: too many information + too much procrastination = mentioning something to somebody that you only know from looking (stalking) their social network page
• The Car: too many good songs + too little care = shouting your heart out to "I Will Survive" just to find the driver next to you staring in amazement
• The Multitasking: too many things + too little time = finishing up a call with a client by saying, “Love you.”
• The Name: too many people + worse memory ever = forgetting the name of someone when you're introducing them 

Too clumsy + Too many times = a lot of embarrassing situations (but good fun!)