Spellbound Selves

You know that moment, at a party or in a club, when everyone around you is utterly drunk and you are as sober as a judge? When you witness people embarrassing themselves to a point where you really hope they won't remember when their intoxication drops? People who you thought you knew pretty well impersonating someone else. It's like looking at long-time friends for the very first time.

It seems that the exact same thing happens when everyone around you is in a relationship and you are single.

This thought came into my mind during these festive days, when I spend an unusual amount of time with people I otherwise rarely see (note to self: this is material for a blogpost). I'm sure that they have experienced the change gradually, but for me, it comes as a shock. The guy who had us all heartbroken by playing 'hard to get', has turned into a puppet under the orders of the lady holding the strings. He keeps running from one place to another like a loyal puppy following her orders. He's not alone. The once professed and active feminist is now responding to nicknames ranging from "Princess" to "Babe" and using terms of the kind of "my Little Muffin". Personal interests seem to vanish to make room for joint activities: the great cook of the group now only bakes cupcakes. Or, in some cases, one of them absorbs the lifestyle of the other: the barbecue organiser now follows a strict vegetarian diet. 

When drunk, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of sobriety, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

When in a relationship, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of singlehood, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

Singlehood Discrimination

Dear Single Friends,

When our relationship status triggers the envy of those around us, stay cool; play along. Live up to their idealised image of our freedom. Rejoice in not having to explain your whereabouts; in doing whatever you want whenever you want. Make sure to tell them about that trip you're planning on taking: narrate every detail and, above all, don't forget to omit the fact that you might never get to go because you have no one to embark in the adventure with. 

Because despite our stereotyped ideal life, the truth is that this world is not meant for singles. And I'm not only talking about St. Valentine's Day, but every other day as well. So, even if by force and not by choice, build the strength required to deal with the unfairness in life:

• married couples (2 people, 2 current/saving accounts) get furniture and home decor as wedding presents. We single people (1 person, 1 poor current/savings account) have to buy everything for the house by ourselves - don't get me started on buying a house
• people get that pitiful look in their faces when your shopping basket consists of lots of bags with single items: 1 tomato, 1 apple, 1 banana, etc.
• constantly answering the question "do you have a partner?" followed by "don't worry, someone will come when the time is right" - I wasn't worried, but thanks
• 5L washing detergent = 10 euro. 1L washing detergent = 5 euro - logic behind this? Food in smaller packages is more expensive!
• 2 x 1
• milk goes sour
• getting pulled into things you don't want to do because people assume that you are single and therefore free to babysit their plants - if I don't have plants myself it's for a reason!
• being moved around in planes because you are "travelling alone"
• ...

Single friends, you'll find a number of obstacles that our 'coupled' friends will never even think about, but remember: 

you are enough

...even if the world insists in making you feel differently

Think Twice Before Growing Up

Deluded. No other word to express how I feel living my adult life.

Why was I so keen on growing up? Why did I keep stressing that I wasn't 7, but 7 and a half? Why did I wear make up to conceal my real age to bouncers in clubs? Why did I search for opportunities to run away from my parents' protective wings? How can I go back there again?  

Let me tell you one thing: growing up sucks! Excuse my language, but it does. Why?

1. Emotions need to be controlled
The other day in the supermarket I saw a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of the fruit and vegetable section. He was lying on the floor, stamping strongly hands and feet and refusing to respond to his embarrassed mother. Other shoppers were annoyed by the shouting or felt sorry for the parent. Not me. I was jealous, wishing I could do just the same thing and release all my anger on the cold tiles. But no, as an adult you instead have to bite your tongue, eat your nails and lose sleep when things don't go your way.

2. Thoughts are filtered before being spoken
Growing up didn't blind me from your ridiculous narcissism or your need to judge others based on the brand they wear and the car they have. My head might nod and my mouth might hum, but my mind still thinks you're plain stupid (excuse my language , but you are).

3. Time has meaning
My 2 year old niece wakes up in the morning not knowing whether she has to go to nursery or can enjoy her parent's company the whole day. Whatever day of the week it ends up being, she enjoys every second of it until bath time leads her on to sleep.One day after the other. There is no past or future, she only knows the here and the now. It's all about the past and the future for me. I'm dreading tomorrow Monday (future) thinking where did the weekend go (past) and already thinking of the hours of sleep that I'll get tonight (future) having had a sleep-in this morning (past).

4. You are legally obliged to do stuff
OMG the amount of administrative tasks you have to go through as an adult! Taxes, health insurance, mortgage, credit card, registering to vote, issue internet and phone contracts... The list goes on and on and never gets less boring. Why didn't I enjoy more living at home with my parents and just 'being'?

Children of the world, be warned: the freedom of adulthood is just a myth.

My Enviable Superpower

"I have the power." Or more specifically, I have the superpower. I've had it for a while now, although only intermittently. However, since I moved to Madrid it hasn't left. It's permanency has triggered this public confession.

What superpower? you might be asking yourselves. Well, I'm not one who brags, but let me tell you that this superpower is the one who every human being longs for. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado I present you with my superpower:

I am INVISIBLE!

Yep! For some time now, I've had a sneaking suspicion that I was unseeable, based on a number of inescapable clues:

• repeatedly getting stepped on and pushed when using the public transport

• obtaining dead silence when greeting good mornings and good evenings

• people pushing-in when diligently queuing

• my place got taken in the café when I stood up to get some water (my food, mobile and jacket were still there)

• being spoken over

And then, the other day my suspicion was fully confirmed. Here is what happened:

I was gripping to the bus bar to avoid falling over (riding a bus in Madrid can be considered an activity of high risk) and suddenly felt a hand on top of mine. Not close or barely touching, no, on top! and the bus wasn't that crowded!

Long story short and the main takeaway for everyone: I am here! as creepy and enviable as that may sound...

Stages in Life

My extended family only get together in two yearly occasions: Christmas and my Grandma's birthday. With still some months to the former, we met this week to celebrate the latter. Four generations around 86 candles, which were heroically blown by the woman who has given birth to no less than 10 children! You can now more realistically picture the amount of attendants to the event (and know the reason why we don't meet more often...). With four generations present on the night, there were representatives of all ages, giving me the opportunity of seeing life through their eyes for the duration of our conversation. All having a completely different view of the same world we all live in...

After gathering bits and pieces of the night, I reached the conclusion that life is lived in 4 different stages.

1. Flowing Life

Ages: newborn - 14

These are the years where you 'go with the flow'. Your parents determine your days, when and where you come and go, what times you eat or what you buy. You have little sense of time or perspective. Life is lived through others. At the end of this phase and after a bad hormonal kick, your environment becomes your war and you take up arms against literally everything. 

2. Theoretical Life

Ages: 15 - 29

Not liking anything in your life, you begin to imagine the great things that you fail to have and start to cook up the great plan that will lead you to a life of rainbows. You make being a free spirit your life purpose and firmly believe that all you want in life is to burn bridges and travel around the world with no other baggage than your own soul. And because anything that remotely resembles a responsibility is a clear threat to your plan, you run away from any form of commitment. You picture yourself leading a successful career doing what you love to do.

3. Fall-Rise-Fall-Rise Life

Ages: 30 - 69

But then life gives you a reality check. You realise how difficult things are, the amount of unfairness in this world. And you fall and rise again because there is no other option. And then you fall once more and have to come out from the deepest holes to stand back on your two feet; until you're knocked right out again. And rise. And fall. And rise...You become wiser and gaining a privileged perspective that leads on to the following stage.

4. Observant Life

Ages: 70 and above

With a tired body and an experienced soul, you become to live life through others (family, friends, acquaintances, actors, strangers...). Your only problems are theirs and your happiness is to witness their own bliss.