The Proud Misfit

I am

• ... a woman
• ... self-sufficient
• ... in my thirties
• ... single
• ... left-handed (but that's a story for another day)

Long story short, I am a MISFIT.

Living in a city where I am the living exception to the rule. This fact grants me the privileged position of being the target of awkward (and quite frankly, in many cases rude) comments, questions and moments all around the same theme: 

"What am I doing with my life??"

And although at the beginning all these comments made me want to climb under my duvet and cry myself blind; wisdom (actually, no, not wisdom, but rather, not giving a damn - for the use of a better word) has made me realise that not being like others is what gives me an identity.

I have accepted that I am where I have to be and made my mission to make others accept this too. Listen up:

• the only babies/toddlers I like are the ones I share some part of DNA with. And even those, I am happy to give back after a while
• no, I'm not worried about finding someone - last time I checked I hadn't lost anything
• the time when I felt the loneliest is when I had (the wrong kind of) someone by my side

• stop asking me whether I have a partner! Not having one does not make me a defective person and it certainly does not define me
• defining me by my relationship status says more about you than it does about me
• yes, I might be picky, but shouldn't you be with the person you decide to share your life with?
• I'm not sure if destiny has something good waiting for me, what I do know is that the best way to predict the future is to create it. I wouldn't be where I am if I had left things to chance instead of working by butt off!
• in the past 10 years or so I've lived in 5 different cities, met people for more countries that I know existed and seen places I had only dreamed of visiting. No, I don't feel like I'm throwing my life away
• I've found a passion and I'm pursuing a dream. I'm not trying to get you to follow my dream, so quit trying to single me out for not wanting to follow yours.

This is my life and I am working on being happy to be living it.

Everything in Excess

Reality check: Christmas is over, you can resume your normal live.

If you celebrate Christmas you might be like: "What? normal life? but Christmas is part of my life!". 

Well..I see it more as the movie track of your year: everything condensed in a short period of time.

Family: you might not see them in months and then suddenly you're meeting relatives day after day. And the ones you don't meet, you have to call. People you haven't spoke to since last year. It gets to a point that you run of things to talk about! I'm sure I've addressed my cousins by names other than their own in repeated occasions.

Food: you eat normally for over 350 days a year and then inexplicably consume your weight in food in one sitting. Just like that, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Gifts: isn't it a great gesture to have a whole city/country/continent buying things at the same time? The jammed shopping centres, the queues, the traffic jams... And giving presents is the high of my Christmas, but wouldn't it be nicer to give and receive presents evenly throughout the year instead of supporting extreme consumerism in a day?

People in general: there's excess of people everywhere during Christmas. The rest of the year everyone does their own thing, but Christmas is the only time when we all seem to be doing the same things at the same time. I've mentioned about the shopping, but there's so much more... The dining (restaurants are full and service is bad), the strolling (streets and parked packed), the free timing (queues in cinemas)...

Please, don't take this attitude of excess into January by signing up to the gym or going crazy with the sales. Just try to spend more time with your close family and true friends, show them your smile and try to enjoy a moderately happy live.

Spellbound Selves

You know that moment, at a party or in a club, when everyone around you is utterly drunk and you are as sober as a judge? When you witness people embarrassing themselves to a point where you really hope they won't remember when their intoxication drops? People who you thought you knew pretty well impersonating someone else. It's like looking at long-time friends for the very first time.

It seems that the exact same thing happens when everyone around you is in a relationship and you are single.

This thought came into my mind during these festive days, when I spend an unusual amount of time with people I otherwise rarely see (note to self: this is material for a blogpost). I'm sure that they have experienced the change gradually, but for me, it comes as a shock. The guy who had us all heartbroken by playing 'hard to get', has turned into a puppet under the orders of the lady holding the strings. He keeps running from one place to another like a loyal puppy following her orders. He's not alone. The once professed and active feminist is now responding to nicknames ranging from "Princess" to "Babe" and using terms of the kind of "my Little Muffin". Personal interests seem to vanish to make room for joint activities: the great cook of the group now only bakes cupcakes. Or, in some cases, one of them absorbs the lifestyle of the other: the barbecue organiser now follows a strict vegetarian diet. 

When drunk, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of sobriety, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

When in a relationship, if we were able to watch ourselves from the side of singlehood, would we regret the person we become when bewitched like this?

Singlehood Discrimination

Dear Single Friends,

When our relationship status triggers the envy of those around us, stay cool; play along. Live up to their idealised image of our freedom. Rejoice in not having to explain your whereabouts; in doing whatever you want whenever you want. Make sure to tell them about that trip you're planning on taking: narrate every detail and, above all, don't forget to omit the fact that you might never get to go because you have no one to embark in the adventure with. 

Because despite our stereotyped ideal life, the truth is that this world is not meant for singles. And I'm not only talking about St. Valentine's Day, but every other day as well. So, even if by force and not by choice, build the strength required to deal with the unfairness in life:

• married couples (2 people, 2 current/saving accounts) get furniture and home decor as wedding presents. We single people (1 person, 1 poor current/savings account) have to buy everything for the house by ourselves - don't get me started on buying a house
• people get that pitiful look in their faces when your shopping basket consists of lots of bags with single items: 1 tomato, 1 apple, 1 banana, etc.
• constantly answering the question "do you have a partner?" followed by "don't worry, someone will come when the time is right" - I wasn't worried, but thanks
• 5L washing detergent = 10 euro. 1L washing detergent = 5 euro - logic behind this? Food in smaller packages is more expensive!
• 2 x 1
• milk goes sour
• getting pulled into things you don't want to do because people assume that you are single and therefore free to babysit their plants - if I don't have plants myself it's for a reason!
• being moved around in planes because you are "travelling alone"
• ...

Single friends, you'll find a number of obstacles that our 'coupled' friends will never even think about, but remember: 

you are enough

...even if the world insists in making you feel differently

Think Twice Before Growing Up

Deluded. No other word to express how I feel living my adult life.

Why was I so keen on growing up? Why did I keep stressing that I wasn't 7, but 7 and a half? Why did I wear make up to conceal my real age to bouncers in clubs? Why did I search for opportunities to run away from my parents' protective wings? How can I go back there again?  

Let me tell you one thing: growing up sucks! Excuse my language, but it does. Why?

1. Emotions need to be controlled
The other day in the supermarket I saw a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of the fruit and vegetable section. He was lying on the floor, stamping strongly hands and feet and refusing to respond to his embarrassed mother. Other shoppers were annoyed by the shouting or felt sorry for the parent. Not me. I was jealous, wishing I could do just the same thing and release all my anger on the cold tiles. But no, as an adult you instead have to bite your tongue, eat your nails and lose sleep when things don't go your way.

2. Thoughts are filtered before being spoken
Growing up didn't blind me from your ridiculous narcissism or your need to judge others based on the brand they wear and the car they have. My head might nod and my mouth might hum, but my mind still thinks you're plain stupid (excuse my language , but you are).

3. Time has meaning
My 2 year old niece wakes up in the morning not knowing whether she has to go to nursery or can enjoy her parent's company the whole day. Whatever day of the week it ends up being, she enjoys every second of it until bath time leads her on to sleep.One day after the other. There is no past or future, she only knows the here and the now. It's all about the past and the future for me. I'm dreading tomorrow Monday (future) thinking where did the weekend go (past) and already thinking of the hours of sleep that I'll get tonight (future) having had a sleep-in this morning (past).

4. You are legally obliged to do stuff
OMG the amount of administrative tasks you have to go through as an adult! Taxes, health insurance, mortgage, credit card, registering to vote, issue internet and phone contracts... The list goes on and on and never gets less boring. Why didn't I enjoy more living at home with my parents and just 'being'?

Children of the world, be warned: the freedom of adulthood is just a myth.