Earth, Please Swallow Me. Now.

The whole point to this blog is to laugh at myself, so I'll tell you about one of my worse kept secrets: I am clumsy. Very, very clumsy. With things - I'm known to have butter fingers -, with words and in situations.

Diagnosis

Clumsiness. Although not too keen on the definition of the word...

Symptoms

Physical

· red (and very hot) face

· blank stare to the floor

· special sensitivity to gravity - frequent flat ground falls

· there have been cases reported of 'run fast and hide' immediately after an episode

· unbalance

Psychological

· strong wish for the earth to part and swallow oneself

· inability of thinking anything other that 'f***!!'. Repeatedly and for the whole duration of the episode and beyond when remembering it.

Effects and Consequences

· random bruises

· embarrassment

· might be linked to losing friends

Examples of Episodes

Note: these are just a few samples from a long and growing list

• The Cherry Tomato Incident: too small to cut in pieces and yet not small enough to bite with a full closed mouth = spilling the whole inside of one over my lunch partner :)
• The Stairs: too many steps, too little coordination = bruised shins from falling up (yes, up!) the stairs
• The 50/50 chance: clear "pull" and "push" signs + brain reverse processing = pushing doors that are built to be pulled and vice versa
• The Social Network: too many information + too much procrastination = mentioning something to somebody that you only know from looking (stalking) their social network page
• The Car: too many good songs + too little care = shouting your heart out to "I Will Survive" just to find the driver next to you staring in amazement
• The Multitasking: too many things + too little time = finishing up a call with a client by saying, “Love you.”
• The Name: too many people + worse memory ever = forgetting the name of someone when you're introducing them 

Too clumsy + Too many times = a lot of embarrassing situations (but good fun!)

Horizontal Rain

I'm yet to find a question more difficult to answer than "what's the weather like in Dublin?"

Have no fear, this post is not about the weather - phew! - it is, rather, about the effects of the ever-changing weather of this, my adopted city. And it's a true story. Happened to me only yesterday, as a matter of fact. Shamefully (for reasons you'll soon discover) I have witnesses who can back my story.

It was Friday night and I was getting ready to make the best first impression. (You know what they say "you only have one opportunity to make a first impression".) I did invest some time and effort in applying my makeup. In fact, I did put a lot of it (time and effort, not make up) spending more than 35 minutes on extending the base throughout my face, skillfully drawing an immaculate line on each of my eyes, layering mascara on my eyelashes, turning my lips bright red... Long story short, by the end of it, I was both exhausted and - I'll say it myself, cause no one else will - gorgeous :)

So what happened? Dublin weather happened: horizontal rain, umbrella-destroying winds...

Fortunately enough, I got to the place before who I was meeting and ran straight to the toilets to assess the damages. Needless to say that the reflection that greeted me in the mirror had little to do with the one I had happily said goodbye to at home. And it wasn't a pretty one. No. It was more like a "wet-dog-meets-panda" kind of look. With all that soaking hair over my face and smeared eyeshadow all around my eyes...

I guess (and totally understand) that the first impression I caused was that of pity rather than anything else, because we may all love dogs and adore pandas, but the cute irresistible ones in YouTube.

Happy Valentine's Day!

If you think that Valentine's Day is expensive, try being single!

Single people are not expected to the to buy roses or book dinners in overcrowded restaurants, true, but we do pay a price for it. A very expensive one.

Throughout the year we're dealing with:
- asking for 'a table for one' and getting the waiter's pity look
- paying more for a single rooms in hotels than for double one
- trying to find suitable portioned food so that we don't need to throw half of it into the bin
- ...

When Valentine's approaches it only gets worse... I have recently been exposed to the following experiences that will hopefully make you think twice before ranting about the expense of Valentine's Day for the happily coupled:

· constant reminder of my singledom: in press, media, conversations, etc. with imagery of things and places I could do or be with my partner. As if I didn't know... 

· booked-out hotels in London

· and when one found, overly priced (higher than what you'll consider 'normal London rates')

· themed... I was going to write 'shops', then 'streets'; but thinking about it, the word I'm looking for is actually 'city'. Whole of it. Filled with heart-shaped items. From decorations to food to Everything! (capital letter is intentional)

The calendar doesn't allow us to jump from Feb 13th to 15th, so let's all (both single and not) make the most of Valentine's Day. Love the one you're with and spoil them. Or love yourself and do something nice.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Let's badge it!

Walking down the streets on any given day, a stampede of working souls, who can't seem to get home soon enough, rush in every direction. All with a distinctive feature: a label hanging from their necks. Literally, not metaphorically. Call it label, call it badge, call it what you want... It all serves the same purpose: openly displaying information.

Here is my proposal: if we are to disclose information, do it in a way that it'll benefit society as a whole. Tell the world something that will help them. It would save so much time and efforts! Efficiency, people, efficiency.

I'll illustrate this using myself as an example. My chest would proudly exhibit the following (not exclusively, but enough for you to get a sense of what I mean):

• Good with faces, terrible with names
• Don't care about the size - or number, for that matter - of your house, car, [enter material possession]
• People who are happy all of the time scare me
• Sometimes a glass of wine is the high of my day
• Happiness is a good book and a milky tea
• If you think you're better than someone else, don't come closer
• ...

Are you in? 

Think that it will work both ways. I sure know that my my life would have been so much better if I knew up-front some of the things I only got to learn the hard way... 

• "can't keep promises" 
• "will lie behind your back" 
• "my life is build around smoking"
• "fake"
• "will betray"
• ...

 

Let's make the world a better place, let's badge it!

Around the world in 8 days

My recent business trip goes like this:

Dublin > Bucharest (via London) > Prague > Krakow (via Warsaw) > Dublin > Barcelona > Dublin.

8 flights in 7 days

The business trip really goes like this:

Dublin > Bucharest (via London) > Prague > Krakow (via Warsaw) > 3 hrs delayed flight and finally cancelled at 1am = 6hrs at a crowded gate > frentic booking of new flights and hotels > infinite sleepless hours > Barcelona (via Munich) > Dublin.

8 flights in 7 days that really feel like 100!!

The joys of travelling!

Anyway, my intention is not to complain, but to share with you what I have taken from each one of these amazing cities ("it's not about the destination, but about what you learn on the way" - or something like this).

BUCHAREST: ITS PEOPLE

Attributes:

· Polite

· Talkative - the ratio of time question:answer is normally 1:100

· Insist in speaking to me in Romanian - do I look Romanian?

Live experience: 

witnessed a group of around 8 men working as a team to change a bulb. Yes, it apparently takes those many to perform a mundane task.

PRAGUE: ITS FAÇADES

Attributes: 

· Diverse.

· Colourful.

· Beautiful

Live experience: 

Regretting not having my camera with me (the camera did not fit in my hand baggage) I had my phone permanently in my hands to be able to capture the magnificent houses. So immersed in them, that my fingers went numb because of the cold and was unable to feel or grab a thing for an hour or two.

KRAKOW : ITS TAXI DRIVERS

Attributes: 

· No English. 

· No notion of speed limits. 

· Wonder if even a driver's license...

Live experience: 

or 'close to death' experience rather...as the taxi driver stops (hand brake!) in the middle of a motorway (yes!) and tries to cross over 3 lanes, in an attempt to take an intersection which us, mentally healthy humans, would consider missed. All of this at rush traffic hour and with a massive lorry approaching on the right. I'm writing this now, so don't worry, we made it through.

BARCELONA : ITS WEATHER

Attributes: 

· Cloudless sky 

· No need for further description

Live experience: 

The flight disruption mentioned earlier meant that I had slept approximately 1 hour in 2 days. I wasn't only knackered, but was also in a questionable (yet justified) mood. And then, I landed in Barcelona, where the sun was shining. Walked around the city and had a lovely lunch on a terrace by the sea. I found happiness. Spain is different!