Foreigner in Home City

Three days ago, I moved to Madrid after six years in Dublin. As I navigate through this confusing roller coaster of feeling a foreigner in my home city, I come shockingly aware of what I love from both cities.

What I knew I'd miss

Madrid  

• family (duh!)
• weather (double duh! - I'm writing this from a terrace and it's 28ºC)
• the taste (and size) of tomatoes

Dublin

• friends (you know who you are)
• everything being walking distance from everything else
• Irish politeness
• Irish accent

What I wouldn't have thought I'd miss

Madrid

• visible signs with street names (I know which street I am in!)
• pedestrians walking with bread on one hand and  the newspaper on the other
• the smell of coffee and toast every morning on the streets

Dublin

• looking right when crossing a street (it's a matter of life or death that I adapt!)
• Penney's (where will I buy cheap tights?)
• not getting weird looks when you pay €3 by card

I'll have more to add to the list as I learn to live in this new place which is now my home.

Old News = No News

One of the reasons why I read, almost exclusively, fiction is due to the easiness with which I get attached to characters. I cry, I get angry, I take sides and, in many cases, I finish books with a strong urge to know more about the characters' day to day lives beyond the final pages. I can't, I know, so I make peace with the fact that it's fiction, that anything can happen after I close the book. That they not always lived happily ever after.

I like that, I like fiction. I favour it over to real life events. In real life I find myself at a loss, unable follow a story from beginning to end.  Today's news is all that matters; which by default means that no one cares about what happened yesterday.

But what if we do? People of the media, don't you realise that you're playing with our feelings (and not in a good way)? Please, let me know! I do care!

Why and how did Jack The Ripper get away with all the murders?  

How's Schumacher and his family coping?

What's the deal with Woody Allen and his 'peculiar' family situation? Did he really do what he was accused of? 

What is Monica Lewinsky up to these days?

Is there a monster in Loch Ness? 

Are Michael Jackson's children ok? Will they be ever able to have a 'normal' life? 

Everyone knows about Will Smith and that poor James Avery (Uncle Phil) sadly passed away a few months back. But what about 'Geoffrey' the Butler? How is my favourite person in the the Fresh Price of Bel Air getting on? 

What's behind the Bermuda Triangle?  

Was the prostitute Hugh Grant was caught with ever able to build a better life?

What happened between Britney Spears deciding to shave her head not so long ago to her being back on stage again? Who's minding those poor kids of hers?

Did Neil Armstrong and the Apollo 11 really land on the moon in July 1969?

Please people, I need closure?

Things I Think

There are things I think when I shouldn't think them. 

After closing the front door:

do I have the keys - without which I am locked out, since there is no one else who has a copy - except for the landlord, whom I prefer not to disturb with my 
absentmindedness

At a minimum travelling distance from home of 45 mins by car:

did I unplug the iron that could cause my whole place to burn down?

did I blow out all the aromatic candles that give my home such an amazing fragrance and  at the same time can turn it to ashes in a matter of seconds?

did I close the window through which anyone can freely enter the house?

All tucked in and with the lights out:

did I send that extremely important email that had to go out today with no exception and that I have spent hours drafting?

after paying for that last thing, did I put my credit card back in my wallet? 

I have all of these things I need to do tomorrow [list starts here - sleep stops here] 

Let's go through every stupid decision I have made in life. 

And of course, my personal favourite and the one I keep experiencing:

At least 15 minutes after the actual event:

the most perfect thing to say that would have saved you from looking like an idiot comes up to your blank mind!

Unexpected Item in Bagging Area

Just back from the supermarket:

• Interaction with people = 0
• One-sided communication with machine = repeatedly. We don't seem to get along.
• Workload added on me = 100%

Conclusion: my grocery shopping has become highly antisocial and the amount of work that I now how have to do thanks to auto-machines has increased. At my regular grocery store there are now more auto-checkout machine points (7 last time I counted) than ones with 'real' people (1 and only). 

Sure, not having someone emptying your basket has it has its advantages. One of which being the protection of privacy. I can buy whatever I want without getting feeling judged by the person on the other side of the checkout. (Am I the only one who feels like this when having an employee go through your purchases?). On the other hand, I am forced to unload my trolley, scan my items and then bag and remove them. I find this whole process slow and very stressful, as the breathing from the next person in the line becomes louder and closer. I feel sweat running down my forehead whenever I hear "unexpected item in the bagging area, remove this item before continuing". My hands shake every time I take more than 3 seconds to locate the scan code. Stressful!

And it is only the start of it. Machines are taking over. The other day I was in a UK airport and I had to check in my baggage by myself. You know how simple the task of printing the bag tag and sticking it on a handle looks from the outside? Well, not so much when you're doing it yourself... I had no faith at all that my bag would make it to my destination. All those instructions in a simple sticker! Needless to say that I my respect towards ground hostesses has increased significantly.

I don't know what next will robots allow (force?) us to do, but in the meantime, I be reminded that every job requires skills and that not everyone is equally prepared to perform even the simplest tasks. Oh, and please give me some time and space when I'm paying for my groceries. Thank you.

Earth, Please Swallow Me. Now.

The whole point to this blog is to laugh at myself, so I'll tell you about one of my worse kept secrets: I am clumsy. Very, very clumsy. With things - I'm known to have butter fingers -, with words and in situations.

Diagnosis

Clumsiness. Although not too keen on the definition of the word...

Symptoms

Physical

· red (and very hot) face

· blank stare to the floor

· special sensitivity to gravity - frequent flat ground falls

· there have been cases reported of 'run fast and hide' immediately after an episode

· unbalance

Psychological

· strong wish for the earth to part and swallow oneself

· inability of thinking anything other that 'f***!!'. Repeatedly and for the whole duration of the episode and beyond when remembering it.

Effects and Consequences

· random bruises

· embarrassment

· might be linked to losing friends

Examples of Episodes

Note: these are just a few samples from a long and growing list

• The Cherry Tomato Incident: too small to cut in pieces and yet not small enough to bite with a full closed mouth = spilling the whole inside of one over my lunch partner :)
• The Stairs: too many steps, too little coordination = bruised shins from falling up (yes, up!) the stairs
• The 50/50 chance: clear "pull" and "push" signs + brain reverse processing = pushing doors that are built to be pulled and vice versa
• The Social Network: too many information + too much procrastination = mentioning something to somebody that you only know from looking (stalking) their social network page
• The Car: too many good songs + too little care = shouting your heart out to "I Will Survive" just to find the driver next to you staring in amazement
• The Multitasking: too many things + too little time = finishing up a call with a client by saying, “Love you.”
• The Name: too many people + worse memory ever = forgetting the name of someone when you're introducing them 

Too clumsy + Too many times = a lot of embarrassing situations (but good fun!)